I believe that people have a natural urge to explore – the constant journey to discover what’s around the next bend or over the next rise.
At the same time, we crave roots – the utterly familiar where we rest, recover, dream, and plan.
When I look around our dinner table, I see that we all have our own set of issues, some obvious and some not so obvious. Some of us are wild and hyper, some are secretly nervous about upcoming transitions, and some are in a personal battle with something that even they themselves may not fully understand. And each of these things fosters isolation.
And we all know that isolation can lead to all kinds of problems like low academic success, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, anxiety, depression, even suicide. But guess what research over the last 25 years has shown to have the opposite effect… families eating meals together regularly.
But parents have long known that, because they know that as important as full stomachs, family dinner leads to meaningful connection.
I think that meaningful connection around the dinner tables plays out in several ways…
Grounding. We live in a time of constant competition for our hearts and minds. If we aren’t grounded in what we believe as well as rhythms and routines, we can easily become like a boat adrift, tossed to and fro by any wind or wave. Grounding lets us know where home base is. From that comes a sense of security that opens the door to consider other possibilities.
Sanctuary. Life lived well is hard. It’s a battle out there. Sanctuary allows us to feel safe. It disengages fight or flight so that we can take a breath. It’s where we can finally get away from all the ads and distractions.
Family Identity. It’s what separates us from the masses. It’s the foundational piece of who we are. It’s why we know that if we try and fail, it will be ok, because, no matter what, we aren’t alone. In it, we share something priceless. A common story. A thread that we share with others. And not just any others, but a certain group of others.
Even if that group has issues like those mentioned above, issues that make family dinner hard.
But there are things we can do to ease the hardness. Here are a few**:
- Strive to make family dinner a ‘No Criticize Zone.”
- Pick a time that most often work and make dinner time consistent.
- Have several conversation starters available and let people present choose among them.
- Take turns picking the menu.
- Involve different people in preparing the meal.
- Same with cleaning up after.
- And make sure to smile and laugh often.
I believe that people have a natural urge to explore – the constant journey to discover what’s around the next bend or over the next rise.
At the same time, we crave roots – the utterly familiar where we rest, recover, dream, and plan.
That is what Base Camp offers us… and at the center is family dinner, where those roots we crave can be found, in an atmosphere of well-being… acceptance and grace… where we are known and loved, without requirement or condition.
And so my desire for family dinner is not really about the food.
It’s about meaningful connection.
Particularly, it’s about connection with my family… the people I care most about in the whole world.
And we all know that the world can be a pretty lonely place.
*Find more about the research and helpful resources at thefamilydinnerproject.org
** There is a bunch of aspiration here. We have not done a good job of all sitting down together at the table for dinner regularly. Actually, for the last several years, it’s been rare. We have missed much opportunity. And that makes me sad. Maybe you can relate. Even if our kids are older (one of ours is off at college), I’m certain of this: it’s not too late to build a family rhythm of eating dinner together.