I am reading How To Know a Person by David Brooks for the second time. The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen is under the title.
… that idea feels like warm, gentle water easing calmly over a rusted washboard on a cold day.
It doesn’t much seem like seeing others deeply and being deeply seen by them has been the norm for some time, perhaps even less so in recent years. And yet, people need to be seen. To be known. To be understood. Even to be loved. And there, at least in my mind, lies a great opportunity. Brooks says that, “Above almost any other need, human beings long to have another person look into their face with loving respect and acceptance.” I agree.
It’s easier with my wife, Heather, and my kids. Easier, not easy. Shame on me! And not hardly in my mind at all when when I look at the young girl struggling behind the counter at McDonald’s who has just spilled my change across the counter and handed me a sticky cup of coke. But sometimes I look that same young girl hiding behind her tattoos and forced look of “I don’t care” and can picture the what she’s hiding from. It’s not pretty.
People are complicated.
And thankfully winners or losers aren’t picked in kindergarten. Or at 17. Or 35. Or 49. So in this respect, I suppose there is still hope for even me. Because I, too, am on a journey. Part of that journey is in looking through my own ideas about who I am and who others are toward who we are becoming. Yes, we are all on a journey. And we need each other to get where we are going.
Image is a screenshot of a Leaning Tree birthday card featuring a watercolor by John Keeling